These days, it feels like I’m continuously being schooled in the act of being where I am. I have a tendency to run ahead of myself: to be “better” before I’ve actually healed, to become anxious before a problem has arrived, to stress about the stress ahead of me. I’m learning that if things are good, it’s simply my job to let them be good. And if times are tough, then the first step I can take towards improvement is to acknowledge that I’m having a hard time.
If I’m lost, I’m lost. There’s no way around it. The sooner I acknowledge it, the sooner I can get to the business of finding my way.
But the simple act of being where I am requires me to listen to myself. This can be difficult. As we spend this week looking at intuition, I am reminded of those moments when I ignored my own. I look on those moments with a sad heart. How silly of me to waste my time listening to the voices of expectation, dogma or fear. How ridiculous of me to think that ignoring my instincts was the way forward.
The best, and worst, part of all this is that if your instincts are strong, they won’t let up. They won’t leave you alone for one moment. That feeling that something’s just not right will gnaw away at you, until you’re rankled enough to finally make a change. And once you do, and you feel a sense of relief and peace wash over you (almost instantaneously in my experiences), you’ll look back at yourself and wonder why you made everything so damned difficult.
And hopefully you will learn, as I am learning, to listen.